Still Working His Magic
Karl's Window
Today was Karl’s birthday. He would’ve been 45 years old. It’s impossible, honestly, for me to imagine him yet half-again the age he was when he drowned. That’s the thing, I guess, when you lose someone so young. In our minds, they never age. We might remember them at different ages – often with the help of photo and videos, but we can never truly project them forward to an age they never achieved.
I admit that when watching television and movies sometimes I feel bad about my memories – I feel inadequate in my inability to remember long snippets of conversations or family scenarios the way people ‘seem’ to in the fiction we watch on tv. My memory doesn’t work that way. Not visually, anyway.
At least I have my journals. But most of the conversations I wrote down in those were fraught ones. The warm and fuzzy conversations rarely made the journal. They simply rested in my heart, possibly because I thought we’d always have them; have more of them, I mean. Funny how I took them far more for granted than the fights and disagreements.
One thing Karl was always good at was bringing magic to life in one way or another. Even as a youngster, from around age 8 to his early teens, I’d say, he was drawn to it. He would relish the times we’d take a road trip as a family up to Woodstock, NY, where he would visit a magic shop and have engaging conversations with the owner. I believe the shop was called Just Alan! (Oh, yes, it was. Amazing…I just found that link to it. Seeing Alan’s face again warms my heart (and yes, makes me feel wistful).
The point of this post was to share with you what feels like some sort of wave from Karl – a reminder that he can still work some magic here on Earth and give us just enough cause to pause and say, “Hmmm.”
Case in point? The Christmas candle in Karl’s window.
In early December (2025) Karl (husband) and I put battery operated candles in all the windows of our home. Our habit over the past few years has been to simply let the candles do their thing until the batteries are completely expended.
Each candle takes four double-A batteries. The great thing about these candles is that they stay lit for something like six hours after you initially screw the light bulb in, and then they automatically turn off. Without having to unscrew and then screw the bulbs in again, the candles just repeat that same timing every night on their own.
For the past many years, we’ve just let the candles burn through their batteries on their own. This was pretty consistent from candle to candle, with everything wearing out usually by the end of January or maybe even into February, but no later than that. When the last candle’s batteries burned out, we’d take all the batteries out at the same time and put the candles away until the next year.
Well, this year we’ve been a bit distracted. I remember noticing the candles becoming dimmer and dimmer as February began, but then I lost track. It’s one of those weird things – how you don’t always notice when something just fades away and is no longer there.
Except…every once in a while, I’d notice that the light in Karl’s window on the west side of the house was still ‘burning.’ By March, for sure, none of the other candles were lighting up anymore.
But Karl’s candle? Yup.
And the spring was hard on us. It was a comfort, honestly, to occasionally notice the light still burning in his window. I felt his presence and seeing that light felt like a hug from him - a tangible way he could say, “I love you.”
As spring turned into summer, the maple tree in the yard outside the window leafed out, partially blocking my view of that room (and thus causing me to completely forget about the candle, for a while at least). I also stopped noticing because it’s rarely dark yet when I get home from my walks, so my eyes aren’t drawn to that window.
On July 13th, I noticed (with chills) that the candle in Karl’s window was still lighting up. I had a little chat with my son and wondered if he was going to keep the light going until his birthday.
I went outside with all the lights off on husband Karl’s birthday (this past Sunday) and – sure enough – the light was still burning. I didn’t take a photo because I felt sure it wouldn’t burn out by his birthday. Surely not! Not after all this time…
Oh – and another weird thing? When we initially put the candles in the windows, we had them timed to be ‘on’ from 5:30 p.m. until 11:30 p.m. I only notice this light burning well after 11:00 - and well past midnight now. You know…when I’m alone, letting the dogs out for their final ablutions for the evening.
I was oh -so-curious to see if the batteries would ‘last’ until Karl’s birthday. But then? Monday night, the candle was out! I walked around outside with all the lights out, just to make sure I wasn’t missing it. Maybe it had just dimmed so much that it was hard to see? Nope. It had only lasted until his father’s birthday. I was so sad.
Tuesday night? No light.
Wednesday night (after midnight, so it was technically Karl’s birthday by then) - I got chills. The candle was ‘on’ again. I kid you not:
I went out tonight, of course. Lo and behold, the candle is indeed burning again. To my naked eye, the light from the candle is softer, a little more orange in its mellow glow. But when I take a photo of that window? Wow. You’d think it was a blazing light on full battery power!
So, yeah. I’m including a few other photos I took tonight of the magic candle in Karl’s window. Maybe it’s a beacon of light calling in the ETs! Ha ha. I joke, but look at this photo carefully. It’s different from all the rest:
Or maybe he’s just reminding himself – and us - where ‘home’ is? I don’t know. At the very least, he’s definitely causing me to stop and say, “Hmm,” even after all these years.
Always loved, NEVER forgotten. ❤️
Of course a magic candle! 🕯️ karl brimmed surprises and so loved to make people laugh